Well, at 11.30pm Wednesday night my father took his last laboured breaths..... I feel so guilty for not staying that night, I wanted to, but with two small children it was getting harder and harder to sit by his hospital bed and keep the kids entertained as well. So I left on Wednesday afternoon and that night as my sister and mother turned the light off for the night so they could sleep in their chairs, Dad's noisy breathing just stopped. Mum thought his oxygen machine had failed and wanted to call for the nurse, but as my sister held his hand to check she knew he was finally gone.
Relased from all of his pain, saved from the strangled breaths he struggled to take. The previous three days in hospital had been particularly bad for Dad. Surrounded by his adult children and their children, as confused as he was he must have known we were all waiting for him to die.
That Wednesday as I decieded to take the children home for some normal home time, I leaned over him and told him goodbye, that I loved him and that once the kids were rested I would be back the next day. I gave him a kiss and left.......At 10.30pm that night my eldest sister and brother did the same thing. leaving my other sister and Mum to sit with him throught the night. When they finally turned in for the night and said good night to Dad, he seemed to slip away knowing we had all said a proper farewell.
His funeral was the following Tuesday and what a turn out. Dad would have been very happy with all his old mates there, and surprisingly every kid from our neighbourhood was there too. Even though they are now aged from 30 to 53 every kid Dad had something to do with turned up. Amazing. My surprised face prompted one to answer my unasked question. "Your Dad was a great Man and he touched each kids life in a special way, he could have kicked my ass several times for things I did as a kid but he didnt. He had a special way of relating to us all. Thats why we are all here, to honour your Father, because we all loved him".
I gave the eulogy. I spoke clearly and calmly for 10 minutes but on the last word my voice faltered and I caved into tears as I hurried back to my pew in the church. I am very glad I steeled myself to do this last thing for Dad. We were very much alike, joksters who never wore a sad face in public and always made people laugh. So that is how I tackled the eulogy, plenty of laughs and lots of loving memories.
I still cant believe he is gone. I will never speak to him again. Never see him again. He will never help me garden again. We will never share a rum over looking the yard again.
Days at the beach together are gone and my children wont grow up with many memories of Grandad. It is hard to keep reminding myself that I was so lucky to have such a wonderful Dad for nearly 75 years.
Liddy